Reciprocity over generosity builds stronger communities

Matthew Alexander reflects on how his grandmother’s practice of sharing her garden’s abundance created a network of mutual support in her town, a model he later understood as reciprocity.

As a child, he experienced the warmth of this network, being welcomed not for who he was, but as “Willie Mae’s granddaughter.” He contrasts this with generosity, which establishes a giver-receiver dynamic, versus reciprocity’s circular flow of support.

Alexander spent years working in the nonprofit sector, first in New York and then in South Africa, eventually moving to philanthropy. He observed a distinction between the “business of philanthropy,” focused on asset management and control, and the “culture of philanthropy,” rooted in reciprocal relationships and community building. He realized that while funding solutions designed by outside experts could have an impact, communities truly needed investment in their own cohesion and rebuilding of trust.

He found a powerful example of this through helping to establish a giving circle for Black women and girls in Chicago. This required sustained engagement, accountability, and deference to community leadership, but ultimately fostered deep relationships and empowered organizations. Alexander draws on the work of sociologist Marcel Mauss, who identified gift exchange as a fundamental building block of community, and notes that Black communities have historically relied on reciprocal systems due to systemic exclusion from traditional economic structures.

He argues that prioritizing reciprocity, rather than simply generosity, leads to stronger communities and a greater sense of belonging.